Click the preview below to view our print issue in full size!
I’m standing outside Robinson Hall on a cold Saturday night. In front of me is the recently reconstructed Keggy the Keg. Members of the Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern are assisting one of their own – [Redacted] – as he slips into the costume. It’s an arduous task to fit the unwieldy barrel over a person in a comfortable manner. As I look on, one Jack-O member attempts to help. “Your head goes through the hole in the crotch of the leggings,” he explains to [Redacted], who is currently wrestling with the costume. Inside of the barrel, as far as I can tell, is some sort of harness that rests upon the shoulders of the person inside. It certainly looks painful and [Redacted] describes it as a torture contraption. It’s a tough job being a keg.
College mascots are an interesting bunch of characters. UC Santa Cruz, for example, might have Sammy the Slug (and warm weather to boot), but worry not, Dartmouth students – Keggy the Keg is back and he’s here to stay. Dartmouth’s claim to fame in this expansive world of quirky college mascots is being resurrected this Winter Carnival under the watchful eyes of the Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern, Dartmouth’s humor society, which has maintained and overseen Keggy since his inspiring inauguration at the 2003 Homecoming football game against the Columbia Lions. Many here on campus have noticed Keggy’s absence this past year at his staple diet of Dartmouth football and hockey games, especially his prominent presence amongst the throngs of fans at Memorial Field. One Jack-O member emphatically connected the dots: Keggy was gone and The Biggest Game In Town let the shit hit the fan this year. What else is there to say?
The story of Keggy’s recent absence is surprisingly sinister, the Jack-O explained to me as they prepared to debut the reincarnation of this infamous, living beer vessel. The Keggy costume, normally stored in Robinson Hall 203, disappeared sometime over this past summer. Jack-O members normally used that room, Robo 203, for their own meetings, although quite recently they had moved out to give way to the International Students Association. Returning one day during pre-orientation in order to retrieve the costume, Jack-O members were astounded to find that the barrel component of the costume had vanished. All that remained was the pump handle that had once adorned the top of the barrel. Despite calls to both Hanover police and Dartmouth Safety and Security, no word or indication of Keggy’s whereabouts was ever received.
Of course, Keggy had disappeared before – but that was different, under more humorous circumstances, and as part of a well-intentioned prank. Stolen from his original home in the Sigma Nu fraternity library in the fall of 2003, a ransom note and picture of Keggy’s bound, bruised, and black-eyed self was left in his stead. After several days, Keggy was recovered with minimal damage and life went on as normal for Dartmouth’s most beloved mascot.
Tonight is Keggy’s first event since his disappearance and despite its brevity, Jack-O members swarm over the barrel, ensuring that everything has been assembled correctly.
The original Keggy was made out of a soybean oil container that was acquired by the self-described “environmentally conscious” Jack-O. The new version is constructed out of a similarly sized and shaped barrel that used to contain a chlorine-based cleaning solution. The Jack-O acquired the barrel from Dartmouth Dining Services, who, I am sure, was plenty eager to be rid themselves of a container that formerly stored copious amounts of chlorine. Despite my uneasiness, Jack-O members assured me that the barrel was safe for its occupier. They pointed to a blitz that they had sent to a professor in the Chemistry department to assuage my safety concerns.
The rest of the costume of the new Keggy is quite similar to the original: green leggings with a green shirt and big goofy white Mickey Mouse gloves. The most important touch, I noticed, is the pair of orange Converse sneakers that Keggy wears. As it was only the barrel that had disappeared, these shoes are well worn in by the numerous Dartmouth students that have donned Keggy’s barrel in his many appearances over the past few years. Dirtied, beat up, but still a faded orange, the shoes have character and are emblematic of the storied aura that surrounds Keggy.
Finally, having donned the barrel and verified the durability of the costume’s various appendages, Keggy is ready to depart from Robinson Hall. We head to the elevator because as I soon find out, Dartmouth isn’t beer keg accessible. My first lesson: stairs do not bode well for this beer keg that could.
We take the elevator down to the basement. Why? Well, here’s lesson two: Keggy can’t do doors, either. Too wide and too tall, it’s laborious proceeding for Keggy to enter or exit a building. Case in point, [Redacted], encased in this silvery barrel, gets down almost on his hands and knees and slowly beings to shuffle out of Robinson. It’s an awe-inspiring sight for the few people strolling in the thoroughfare between Collis, Thayer, and Robinson. I am sure that their surprise at Keggy’s return is only slightly tarnished by his proud emergence on seemingly all fours.
I wonder to myself if this scene is in any way similar to the trial runs of the original Keggy. Not much is known about Keggy’s earliest moments, at least amongst current Jack-O members. From what I gleaned, Keggy the Keg is the brainchild of Nic Duquette ‘04 and Chris Plehal ‘04. Originally intended as a one-time prank, Duquette and Plehal intended to send Keggy onto the field at halftime of the 2003 Homecoming football game. To their surprise, nobody at the game protested or sent him off – Keggy joined the fanfare with the marching band instead.
Perhaps given the lack of a concrete Dartmouth mascot – after all, clinging to the color green only goes so far – Keggy’s popularity soared at Dartmouth and nation-wide, where Keggy served to some extent as a validation of Dartmouth’s reputation as a hardcore party-loving heavy-drinking liberal arts school. A quick perusal of the Keggy section of the Jack-O website reveals Keggy’s multiple national appearances and mentions, not limited to references by ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption (as “some stupid beer thing”), an interview with *Playboy *magazine, mentions by the Washington Times and Sports Illustrated on Campus, and a feature at CollegeHumor.com.
And, of course, what would Drinking Time – the Jack-O’s most famous prank to date with over 350,000 views on YouTube – be without Keggy proudly marching down Webster Avenue, members of the Dartmouth College Marching Band in tow, and an astonished tour group looking on, dumfounded at the sight of a beer keg parading on Frat Row.
Between Keggy’s inaugural halftime show in 2003 and his disappearance sometime last summer, he has routinely appeared at a variety of sporting and other college events. Over the course of these appearances, however, Keggy eventually drew the ire of the college administration, which was particularly concerned about Keggy’s association with Homecoming events. Keggy was resigned to the Memorial Field stands and banned from taking the field during halftime with the marching band by the athletic department. Gone are the days where his cheering presence would be seen on the field. In fact, explained co-editor-in-chief of the Jack-O, Laura Michet ‘11, the athletic department “has gone so far as to actually ban the Marching Band from referring to him or forming his likeness on the field during formations.” Interestingly enough, the athletic department has not enforced similar restrictions on visiting schools. This past fall, for example, a Brown student appeared on the football field in a makeshift Keggy costume fashioned out of an upside-down laundry hamper. Other marching bands from our rival Ivy League institutions have also made direct references to Keggy on field as well without any reprimand from Dartmouth administrators.
But back to today.
[Redacted] stands up with the help of some of the others standing around and rather quickly I learn lesson three: Keggy can’t really see. The mouth doubles as the peep-hole, but it’s positioned such that whoever’s inside can’t see more than a few feet ahead and barely above the waist of anyone around.
Beset with such hindrances, [Redacted], who has never worn the Keggy costume before, shuffles awkwardly in the cold. The Dartmouth Independent photographer, Bryan Chong, who is with us snapping some shots of this trial run, calls out to Keggy as if to a runway model: “Can you look badass?”
I laugh, amused by the thought of this badass keg sauntering down Mass Row. However, Keggy seems offended and stares back determinedly at Bryan as well as one can show determination with a fixed facial expression. A Jack-O member translates: “Keggy *always *looks badass.” Keggy is also mute and requires a translator proficient in deciphering the subtleties of the keg’s assorted facial expressions. Nary a word shall be heard from this keg.
Altogether, we number almost ten. Five from the Jack-O are present, three from the Independent, including the photographer and myself. And, of course, don’t forget Keggy, who proudly marches with occasional intermittent stumbling at the forefront of the group. Why so many? A Jack-O member explains that Keggy always travels with an extensive entourage and dedicated bodyguards. Dartmouth students, it seems, have a predilection for grabbing at Keggy and trying to get a physical piece of the action. That’s all fun and games, and Keggy loves the attention, but he is also quite fragile and his nose is attached tenuously to the barrel. There is also the story of the young kid who decided to pants Keggy. Jack-O members had all heard one version or the other of this story, but instead of questioning its veracity, I just wanted to know: how does one go about pantsing a keg?
Thus arrayed, we head down Mass Row upon this short excursion. Jack-O members quickly decide our itinerary: we are to head down Mass Row, turn, enter Novack, go up through Berry, and make our way back to Robinson with quick stopovers at Sanborn and Parkhurst. It sounds simple, but it isn’t too long into our journey before Keggy is hailed by a group of students.
“It’s nice to see you again, man – or woman, whatever you are!” is the call from the group of Tuckees heading up on Tuck Drive. They approach, armed with their camera phones and eager to talk to Dartmouth’s most famous keg. The members of the Jack-O are more than happy to accommodate these fans and they position Keggy under a streetlamp for the impromptu photo-op. Keggy doesn’t speak, of course, but that doesn’t stop the young men from bombarding him with questions and compliments. “You’re everything I want my children to be,” laughs one while his compatriot inquires as to whether Keggy speaks Spanish.
Satisfied that Keggy hasn’t been entirely forgotten, the Jack-O members lead their prized creation into Novack, where, upon last visit, he ordered a cookie that was shoved down his mouth hole. The Jack-O’s collection of Keggy lore is both extensive and entirely inane, I subsequently decided.
Novack is deserted and we quickly head up through Berry, where a few studious Saturday night lame-o’s diligently complete their readings. Almost all of them look up and admire Keggy as he crosses the span of Berry with a “mincing ballet walk.” Several of the students pause to take pictures.
The rest of our journey passes by quickly. We stop at Sanborn, where, teacup in hand, Keggy participates in another photo-shoot. We squeeze out those doors and march up to Parkhurst. Keggy carefully ascends the icy stairs before raising his arms in a Rocky-style pronouncement of triumph. “Guess who’s off suspension!” one of the Jack-O members translates.
And then almost as soon as we started we are done. [Redacted] shrugs off the barrel and keenly removes himself from the torturous cross-like harness that lies beneath it. “I’m freezing,” he gasps in the cold, clutching his head and rubbing his shoulders, all of which throb from having supported the barrel for so long. But no matter. He’s happy. And as far as we know, so is Keggy.
