In 2000, George W. Bush was elected President of United States. In 2001, there was an economic downturn. In 2004, the Pixies reunited and toured the United States. In 2005, Dinosaur Jr. reunited and toured Europe. In 2006, Kurt Cobain surpassed Elvis as the top-earning dead celebrity. In 2007, Dinosaur Jr. recorded a new album that received critical acclaim. In 2008, you couldn’t turn the TV on without hearing “Breed” in the ad for Guitar Hero On Tour. In 2009, I can’t leave my room without seeing someone in flannel. So where is the grunge revival?!

Some may be baffled as to why I’d cross my fingers for the resurrection of a genre that was about little more than how depressing it was to sit on a couch all day. But you know what? Sometimes, that’s how I feel. “But every song is the same thing: loud, soft, loud,” you might say. Well, that’s the Sitting On a Couch lifestyle. It’s periods of quiet ennui punctuated by moments of people yelling at you to get your ass of the couch. It’s beautiful when form and function are in complete unison to communicate a single state of perpetual being.

Some of you may say that, in this age of terrorism and failing banks, sitting on a couch just isn’t a rebellious act anymore (for anyone who thinks that it never was, I will refer you to John and Yoko’s bed-ins—if Lennon did it, you know it’s legit). It doesn’t have to be about sitting on a couch, though. We have so many new ways to revolt against the superficial, commercial, and fast paced lifestyles. If you want to revolt against commercialism, turn your phone off. Just do it. It’ll blow people’s minds. To make a lazy, grunge fashion statement, all you have to do is wear the clothes you’re already wearing, but non-ironically. Like, wear them just because that’s what’s lying around. Maybe even wear a snuggie.

These things are already happening around the country. I recently adopted the 90s slacker look, and, let me just say, there’s a reason it was the style of choice for the grunge elite: there is no look that is simultaneously more comfortable and still marginally stylish. Note how flannel made its comeback right after wearing pajama pants became sociably acceptable: flannel is almost as comfortable, and people don’t look at you funny while they’re deciding whether to judge you or not.

And yet nobody is writing music about any of this. The Franz Ferdinand age of thinking about the songs you write is out, but there’s no one filling the gap that the death of hipsterdom has left in so many hearts. Not even Art Brut, even though they could bust out an “I’m depressed, and nobody cares, I just want to sit here, and stare” song in a heartbeat (any band capable of writing a song about having your phone off and missing a call from a hot girl—and making it halfway enjoyable—can probably do anything). We need songs about, well, pretty much nothing at all. You know what? Maybe I don’t want to know what each and every word you’re singing is.

But, alas, we may be too stuck on the synth to give the grunge lifestyle resurgence a genuine musical counterpart. I understand that the Synth Coolness Curve naturally peaks about every six months, but since Justice did their thing last year (and did it, like, really well), electro fans are letting it go to their heads. Jay-Z’s funeral for autotune was a step in the right direction, and might finally bury one of the most bizarre phenomena ever (a trend that started with Cher). But now it looks like Lady Gaga is trying to be the next Madonna. And I don’t need a new Madonna.